I am 13 weeks Pregnant and this pregnancy has been very different than my last! My hormones for one, are very different from last time. Tons of nausea this time around, whereas with my first, not so much! Another thing is I am very tired, tired, and TIRED! OK, and did I mention tired? LOL. Even more so than the last time. The second trimester has been much better however, just like with my previous pregnancy. My energy has picked back up a bit, and cravings aren’t as overwhelming. I eat basic “crap” food every day, along with some healthy fitness food. I hardly worked out in first trimester however so I am just starting to get back in gym to do “old lady” workouts sort of speak. I call them old lady workouts because when I am doing them, I feel like am 85; just using light weights, machine assistance and taking it easy.
So now that my little newborn is about to turn 1(in one more month) I wanted to reflect and get some things off my chest! First of all, moms; breastfeeding or the inability to breastfeed does not mean you love your baby more or less. People get that confused, and it is simply not true. Sometimes things happen and it is simply not possible, as well as the times where it comes natural. Also too, people will say, “breast-feeding makes them smarter and healthier”. I call BULLSHIT, lol! In my case at least! So far, he hasn’t been to the doctor’s for being sick, yet. (Now watch him get sick lol)
Aside from the nannies that come to the house a few hours a week, the only child care he goes to is at the gym. I don’t give him much dairy and he hasn’t eaten any sugar! Just this past weekend, I have been giving him some of my toast, yams and other food that I have. If we are at someone else’s house, I give probiotics and hammer down on herbs and vitamins if he seems like he’s starting to come down with something. Does this make me better than you? NO! Just want to clarify that my babe hasn’t been sick and I see some moms that are still breast feeding at 1 year and their kids have been in and out of the doctor nonstop. So don’t beat yourself up about it because I did in the beginning and I would not have, having the knowledge that I do now. I am also giving him DHA omega 3 liquid on occasion because I forget most days.
Now on a different note, one thing I have noticed is that self-confidence is low again. Sigh. Happens every time I get pregnant. I think it is because I feel that my self-worth is linked to my body feeling a certain way. (Shallow I know). I am used to feeling strong, having a lot of stamina and energy. Now being pregnant, I feel weak, fat, ugly, lazy lethargic, hormonal etc. lol. I never felt any importance really until I reached a certain level of success with fitness and when I am not in that condition, I feel like a little bitch losing it all.
I start to get out of that thought pattern when I think damn, women are badass and we are strong. Taking care of babes while building another (some that do it with 3+) while working, cleaning etc. Women are crazy strong. I feel empowered just telling you how I feel and what I see the reality being, especially having friends that do all of the above.
I appreciate the gift of birth and pregnancies as I know a many that can never have children. It’s just that when I get pregnant, I feel so unlike myself and that just sucks. I am just rolling with it thought because I know it’s my last time. I sure do love the babes though! Even though it is hard at times, I wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s like working really hard for a big reward.
I am tripping out about having 2 boys that are 1.5 years apart even though I wanted it like that. I am not complaining, just having normal doubts. I keep asking myself questions like, “can I do it all?” “Will I be able to grow in business with 2 close in age with no family to help”? “Will I make enough me time”? “Or my Marriage?” “Will I get run down”? Questions like that!
Honestly deep down inside, I know everything will be ok and I can do extraordinary things. However, I have self-doubts like anyone else! I always have, honestly! I doubt myself daily. I have so many ideas and goals and being an entrepreneur at heart, I guess it comes with the territory. Besides, having your head in the clouds leads to failure or for me it has in the past. Being a realist always pays off.
I love my life though. I thank my hard working lucky stars daily that I am not a 9-5 clock puncher making someone more successful. Let me be clear here though. I don’t believe there is anything wrong working with working a normal job, especially if you are in the position to command a good salary. I just love freedom that working from home brings and I am sure that those who work for themselves understand that feeling as well!
Until next time!