Before I learned about sacred union.
Before I learned what it really means to receive.
For so long, I carried this invisible armor. I didn’t even realize it was there. I thought receiving meant being open to compliments, maybe money. But it’s so much more than that.
Receiving is letting yourself be celebrated.
It’s allowing yourself to feel pleasure without guilt.
It’s letting someone love you fully.
It’s feeling good with no strings attached.
I’ve been married for 20 years. And every day, our connection deepens. I remember being 19, looking at married couples and thinking, How do they not get tired of each other?
This morning, we had sex. It had been about a week, and honestly, that stresses me out because I can feel the tension rise between us. We both know when it’s time to slow down and reconnect—not just with each other, but with ourselves.
I’ve learned that if you’re not right within yourself first, nothing else works. But after that? Your partner is next. And for a long time, I didn’t get that. I put kids, work—everything else—ahead of us.
I had to learn the hard way.
So here we are this morning, and I know it’s time to connect. But the resistance is strong. My mind is racing.
What time is it?
Are the kids gonna barge in?
Do I have more work after this?
Will he get upset if I don’t want to?
But his warm embrace, with no intention to take, helped me relax. I know we’re supposed to find that safety within ourselves first. But today, this is where I’m at.
And when we got into it, I felt this overwhelming dread.
I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to get on top. I didn’t want to suck his dick. I just wanted to receive.
And the second I said it out loud, the guilt hit me like a truck.
My mind started spiraling.
I heard my mom’s voice in my head.
“If you don’t do it, your friend will.”
“If you’re not a freak in bed, he’ll go find someone who is.”
“You can’t just be some lame housewife laying there on your back.”
The fear. The pressure. The unspoken rules we were handed as women—telling us that even in our most intimate moments, we have to perform.
That love isn’t enough.
That we have to earn desire.
And for what?
I thought I had to perform to receive.
To be worthy of money.
To be worthy of love.
To be worthy of friendships.
To be worthy of life itself.
But that’s not the case. Not with money, not with sex, not with anything.
This is the new paradigm.
We’ve been conditioned to believe we have to do to deserve.
We’ve been stuck in this masculine paradigm—doing, pushing, achieving.
And on top of that? All the past trauma whispering that we’re only worthy of pleasure if we’ve earned it.
I’m done with that.
So I let go. I leaned in. And the most beautiful thing?
He didn’t care that I didn’t want to do. He just smiled. No resentment, no expectations. And that helped me melt even more.
And as we lay there, after the orgasm, when the old stories would say it’s over, something different happened.
He stayed.
No more doing. No more performing. Just being.
And in that stillness, I felt something I’ve never allowed myself to feel before.
Held.
Truly held. Safe. Seen. Adored.
And here’s what I realized—it wasn’t him giving me that feeling.
It’s always been there.
I just wasn’t open to receiving it.
Here’s the shift.
We spend so much of our lives protecting ourselves from pain, from grief, from disappointment.
But all that protection? It keeps us from the very thing we’re craving—connection, pleasure, love.
And yeah, opening up might feel scary.
But staying closed? That’s even scarier.
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