Coming clean with this second initiation
For years fifteen, to be exact you (my clients) were
my witnesses,
my mirrors,
proof that I mattered,
proof that I wasn’t alone,
proof that I had purpose.
I built a million-dollar business off being needed.
And now… that need is gone.
It’s like when you realize your babies are all grown and no longer need you.
Very strange.
And frightening, if I’m honest.
Kind of like being married for thirty years and then suddenly being single and dating again.
You start asking questions like:
Who am I doing this for now?
What am I actually doing this for?
I found myself feeling sad because I didn’t feel the desire to post everything and share the way I used to. I made that mean I had lost it. Engagement stopped. People stopped showing up the same way. I stopped selling the same ways. And it was scary. Lonely.
I had to sit with all the things I had been using my business to make me feel.
I wondered which strategy I could use to get more engagement. Maybe try more of this or that. But it felt fake — like I was acting just to try to get a result. My soul drained a little more every time I did that.
Before, I shared to be needed.
To feel valuable.
I taught to be validated.
I held space to feel seen.
Now… I don’t need to do any of that to feel the way I want to feel.
And that’s scary as fuck.
This is about the time entrepreneurs recreate new codependency with a new audience, manufacture urgency, or burn everything down.
Or they cross into new creation. But this time, it’s not to be fed. It’s because something moves through them as a channel.
I don’t share to be held or for the safety of belonging, even though it still feels so damn good. I share because something feels true for me in that moment.
I don’t sell to feel like they chose me. I sell because what I know works.
This happened in fitness in 2023. My story is captured inside my program AMAR if you want to review it. It was a beautiful metamorphosis and once again, it felt just like this. So scary. Terrifying. I was convinced I would lose it all.
The motivation disappears completely.
And a new desire is born.
It can feel empty when it happens.
It’s quiet.
And for someone who only knew chaos, quiet can feel like death.
But what it really is… is space.
Nothingness.
A blank canvas.
Choice.
And for some of us, we never truly got to choose the lives we were living.
So I asked myself:
What would I do every day?
How would I show up, speak, share, and sell?
And the answer was: whatever is coming through me because I trust my message.
At the end of the day, everything I say ties together anyway. It all unifies into one. Fitness ties to money. Relationships tie to health. It’s all connected.
I share without expecting floods of applications to come in because I’m not speaking in perfect sales language or manipulating surface-level pain points. Only the ones with ears to hear will pay attention.
And that’s okay. It has to be.
Because once you’re here… you can’t go back.
Money comes as a byproduct now, not as proof that I’m doing it right.
Clients pay me instantly at my highest-ticket offers because they are ready not because they need me to personally and emotionally hold them through the process.
To sum it up:
I don’t get to use business as a way to avoid loneliness anymore.
But in return, I get to make shit tons of money without being needed. Without being overexposed. I get to be me powerful as fuck without dragging myself over glass. I get to be loved and felt without saying the “right” thing.
That’s a different life from the one I lived five years ago.
Hell even two years ago.
It feels weird at first because it’s not fueled by running toward anything specific. Like… who the fuck am I if I’m not constantly grasping?
Now it’s fueled by choice.
By channeling what’s true in the moment.
It’s a new, deep, sovereign feeling.
I’m still not entirely sure what to do with it or how to play with it.
For now, I do what feels good and less of what doesn’t until we are fully in the life that feels easy because it wasn’t forced.
Stay tuned.
Something big is happening.
do you feel this to?
