The other foot
Today I came to the realization that I am breaking the cycle. What does that mean? To me it means that I am breaking my negative self sabotaging cycles that have always kept me coming up short right before something great. In the past, I was battling deserving issues. For some reason in my upbringing I was put in situations that made me feel like I didn’t deserve success, wealth, health, happiness. I kind thought “I was born into this” trap. My mom was a pessimist! We were close, so maybe I picked up some of her negative energies and it soaked in.? Never thinking that I was the creator of my own destiny, I just rolled with the punches.
From what I can remember, the first incident was middle school. I grew up playing softball and basketball. In 6th grade all of my friends were trying out for the middle school cheerleading team and encouraged me to do so. My mom said, Casey don’t get your hopes up because all the other girls are more flexible and have been cheering longer than you. I tried out and made the team. 14 girls were picked out of 60. I was excited, I think? I really didn’t understand why it was such a big deal because jumping and dancing came easy to me. Fast forward and later that year before competition I fell out of a pyramid and broke my arm. I Had to “sit out” for the remainder of the year. Once I saw what I WAS missing, I had a little more passion for tryouts the following year and made the team again. It was a success.
The second time that stands out is Homecoming Court. Once again all of my girlfriends were so excited for the chance of being nominated for Homecoming court. Some girl’s parents even threw big parties in hopes of their daughters gaining popularity and getting votes. In a small town Homecoming court and school spirit is a huge deal. Once again, I was surprised at being nominated out of my class and my mom said she couldn’t believe I was nominated because she didn’t think I was “popular enough. Fast forward 4 years ….I made it every year, my senior year I put together a funny but sabotaging idea to throw out CONDOMS instead of candy in the homecoming parade! Yes, you are thinking typical Casey haha. I was suspended, and had to do community service for a week. The principal threatened to take me off HC court but didn’t. Guess who didn’t get a placing on HC court their SENIOR YEAR? ME. At this point in my life, my parents were going through a bad divorce of 21 years, I was on drugs and in a terrible relationship. I even had all the papers ready to quit school and get my G.E.D. My GPA was a 1.4! I was only present 14 days in my homeroom class. When I started school, I had all a’s and b’s. I watched my life happenings always go from really good and positive to a crash and burn.
As you know, I became a WBFF fitness professional this year. I feel very blessed to have the title. HOWEVER, I started having negative thoughts about something bad HAS to happen. I can’t stay on cloud 9 forever. Maybe I just got lucky, do I really belong in the spotlight. Maybe the girls at the top just have something I don’t. With my luck, something will keep me coming up short. Then I realized that once again here I am in a place most girls would love to be and I feel “normal” and undeserving. The negative foot had come down to balance out all of my success. That’s when I looked deep into these emotions and said NOPE! IAM BREAKING this vicious cycle of negativity. I DO deserve great things, good relationships and happiness. I have worked TOO damn hard busting my ass, learning, overcoming major obstacles and meeting people in the industry to just feel bahhhumbug about it. So Here I am right now Letting you know that I AM SETTING MY CHAMPION FREE! I plan on winning the championships and taking my career to the next level. I deserve it. I am good enough
Look back on your life and you will notice a pattern. It could be good or it could be bad. I encourage you to break the cycle. We are all designed for greatness, we also have nasty ego’s that sometimes get in the way. Get quite, listen and better yourself. You might have your breakdowns but that is a good sign of release.
Repeat your Affirmations, believe and kick ass. We all deserve to have exactly what we want in this life.
Peace out
